In America people complain about the divorce rate without ever looking for an answer as to why it is. They just hope it will fix itself. One possible explanation is the increased social mobility of women. Increased social mobility in the form of work and wages has allowed female independence never before seen in all of history.
Increased social mobility of women has created an environment where either party can leave a relationship at any time. Prior to today women were dependent on either their father or the man who was courting them. At almost every point in her development a women had someone caring for her. A father would take care of the young lady then a man, who had been carefully vetted and often had known the family for years, would take out the daughter so he could display his ability to support and care for a woman through the form of a date. When the male had finished his display he would return the daughter to her father. Then after he had adequately displayed an ability to care for a woman many times he would request that the woman move in with him and they become mates through the form of marriage. This structure exists still today but no longer bears the same depth and intesity. Today the definition of “date” has changed. It has changed because men no longer have to show our ability to care. Women can care for themselves. It is hardly attractive for men to show our ability to care, unless it is far, far better than the average male, because that trait has lost most of it’s value. If everybody has the ability to do it then it is not a valuable skill. It’s like the value of copper decreasing because somebody found a large reserve. Even the definition if “marriage” has changed because the gender dynamic is no longer organized the way it has been for almost all of human history. We truly live in a brave new world regarding gender dynamics and each individual must try to carve out a place for themselves.
You can argue whether or not this is good or bad amongst yourselves. I only care how these changes effect a journey for a mate. The directly observable change is a destruction of relationship stability. The ability to get up and leave a relationship has never been higher. At the same time the cost of leaving is lower as well. One can leave a relationship with relatively little cost and greater certainty that they will be cared for than in the past.
In our modern sexual marketplace nobody can ever relax in a relationship because of this ability to leave. This extends into marriage as well, nobody can ever relax in a marriage because of the ability to leave. They could be divorced at any time and, once again, have to face the harsh realities of the sexual marketplace. The things listed above force people to act like they are single, always looking for a mate, even in a relationship. In today’s society individuals have to deal with the stress of being on the market and in a relationship at the same time. Just the stress of being in a relationship can sometimes be overwhelming. A man must maintain an air of masculinity and a woman must maintain an air of femininity, real or faked, more than ever before, in and out of relationships. The margin for error in the marketplaces, both the sexual and marriage, has never been smaller in human history.
I hope this changes in the future but it would take a change on a societal level that would require generations of people to change. This is something that does not happen quickly.
Daedalus' Workshop 