Gender Relations

This post was inspired by a recent conversation between a girl and a couple guys. The guys asked: “who is the uglier between these two (not present) guys?” The woman responded with: “well, this guy is physically uglier but he’s more attractive over all.” The guys broke out laughing before she even delivered her “but.” All they cared about was which guy was physically uglier, even though she said that the ugly guy is more attractive over all. The woman who spoke became confused because the men completely disregarded half of her opinion.

Males are often ridiculed for our judgement of, so called, “superficial traits” like physical female beauty. This conversation between a couple people made me realize that many women can not imagine men being attracted to primarily physicality instead of personality. They can not conceptualize such a world. Just like most men these days can not conceptualize a world where personality traits are primary. Women are primarily attracted to a set of behaviors and personalities. That’s why women tell one another, “Don’t worry you have a great personality. You’ll be successful in love sometime.” Women are imagining the sexual marketplace operating from their point of view only.

Their logic goes like this: “I am attracted to men -> men are attractive primarily because of various emotional characteristics -> therefor, women are also attractive because of various emotional characteristics, because men judge women by the same way women judge men -> Therefor, if I want to make myself attractive I must increase my character through work and extra-curriculars.” The logic in that reasoning is faulty. Even though there is faulty logic this is the reasoning my female friend was using. It led to her confusion over my male friend’s reaction. Men are not attracted to women for the same reason women are attracted to men. Men are guilty of the same faulty logic.

This is the logic from a man’s standpoint: “I am attracted to women -> women are attractive primarily because of their bodies -> therefor, men with better bodies have a huge edge over those who do not have good bodies because women judge men the same way men judge women -> So to increase my attractiveness I must work on my body.” Again, that logic is faulty. Women do not judge men the same way men judge women. Women do not judge men primarily by their bodies and men do not judge women primarily by their character.

Now, I’m not saying that masculine bodies and feminine behavior have no impact on attractiveness. I’m merely saying that both genders tend to pursue the wrong course of action when they try to make themselves attractive because they view attractiveness from their own genders standpoint. A lot of people seem to think that there is a one-size-fits-all plan for attractiveness that works for everybody in the world. Of course there is not.

For example, many women believe that careers and income play a large part in their attractiveness. When they are thinking this they are really applying a mental schema of attractiveness that applies to men. Careers and income are much more attractive on a man than a woman. So when an individual woman is having success in business without success in the dating world she become confused. She asks herself: “I’ve increased my value, why am I not having success with men?” My answer to her would be: because you have wrongly measured the impact a career has on your sexual attractiveness on the margin. The inverse of this is men who spend too much time on their bodies in pursuit of women. They achieve their ideal physique and then become disillusioned when they do not have the success they thought they would. It is because an attractive body is not as important for a male as it is for a female. Both individuals above are not making the best move to increase their attractiveness on the margin, even though they think they are. That leads to discontent when they don’t have the success in the dating market they think they deserve. That short term discontent leads to long term depression against the opposite sex. This has lead me to believe that the conflict-filled relations between genders in today’s society is coming from a deep seated selfishness and an inability to empathize with the other. Both genders are being selfish in that they are refusing to believe that the other gender has a sexual strategy that is different from, and equal to, their own.

The Lost World’s Masculinity – Part 1

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World is the best book for males because it provides male readers with several masculine characters with whom to relate. It is also an incredible book for males because there is an un-masculine male who makes his own inner journey towards masculinity. The journey Edward Malone, the main character, takes toward masculinity is an unabashed narrative. It is a narrative that provides wayward men with a template for their own journey.

From the very beginning Edward makes it very clear that, while he may not be masculine yet, he is definitely not a feminine male. The fact that we are starting from this emotional background makes The Lost World a coming of age story. Edward reveals that he is aware of the poles at which femininity and masculinity reside when he says, “[her manner was] perfectly frank, perfectly kind, and perfectly unsexual. My instincts are all against a woman being too frank and at her ease with me. It is no compliment to a man. Where the real sex feelings begins, timidity and distrust are always it’s companions.” So right away he begins to sense something is wrong. Sadly, this is more than most males these days. His feelings of something being off parlays into his description of Gladys’ femininity saying, “Gladys was full of every womanly quality. Some judged her to be cold and hard but this was treason. That delicately bronzed skin, almost oriental in it’s coloring, that raven hair, the large liquid eyes, the full but exquisite lips.” Here we have his description of femininity. Every man knows when they find it. It is a deep instinct inside of us that wells up as an intense emotion. Right after his description Edward takes a massive step towards masculinity. He says, “better be a repulsed lover than an accepted brother.”

This thought is a massive step forward for any man. Many men in today’s society labor under the expectation that a woman will one day return his feelings when all he is is an “accepted brother.” It is far more masculine to push further and risk rejection. A large step forward in the development of any man is the realization that if the girl rejects you, you are in a much better place. If you are rejected you are free. No more expectation or worry that she might be with someone else. Edward realizes this and acts accordingly. However, this step towards masculinity is brief, as is to be expected from someone just beginning.

After being rejected Edward jumps to the conclusion most men jump to upon rejection: their looks. Because men judge women by their looks we make the simple mistake that women also judge us by our looks. While this is true, (to what degree you can argue amongst yourselves) male bodies are generally much less important in attraction. Gladys gives the true answer soon after when she affirms that something is wrong with Edwards character, or more importantly, his masculinity. After his failed conclusion she gives a speech you will never hear women utter today. Only because masculine man writes her character does she say any of this, “Well, in the first place, I don’t think my ideal man would speak like that. He would be a harder sterner man, not so ready to adapt himself to a silly girl’s whim. But, above all he must be a man who could do, who could act, who could look death in the face and have no fear of him, a man of great deeds and strange experiences… for they would be reflected upon me.”

Edward responds to her with, “I’d have done it to please you.”

To this Gladys responds with a very important line: “But you shouldn’t do it merely to please me. You should do it because you can’t help yourself, because it’s natural to you, because the man in you is crying out for expression.” This line in conjunction with her earlier stated, “not so ready to adapt himself to a silly girl’s whim,” could have taught Edward the lesson. While Edward could have realized the lesson here he did not. He is still growing and will continue to learn the lesson till the very end of the novel.

(Part 2 is forthcoming)

Quote Meditation 2

“You eat what you kill.”

“You eat what you kill.”

“You eat what you kill.”

“You eat what you kill.” In all of human history, even today, we have only ever eaten what we kill. For almost all of history, to provide, hunters would go out and bring home food for the tribe. They would hunt many different animals because they knew food was imperative for survival.

That long standing fact has hardly changed today. In the past men would kill animals to survive. Even back then hunters solved the most common problem: hunger. The people in his tribe were hungry so he went out and found food, filling the need and answering the problem. The tribe rewarded him for it. Historically the most respected man in the tribe was also the best hunter.

In the present we still kill problems. Solving the problems of humanity provides us with the money which we need to survive. People need light, so Thomas Edison created a new way to provide it, solving a huge problem. Still today those who are most respected in society are those who are best able to answer our problems.

Solving problems always has been, and probably always will be, the lifeblood of man.

In the past the most experienced hunters would go after big game. They knew that the big game could feed their tribe for days. A 200 pound deer could feed their tribe for a very long time. It takes skill and patience, that takes years to accumulate, to hunt down a big deer. The least experienced hunters would go after small game because they had not yet developed the skills to tackle the bigger game.

It is the same today. The most experienced men tackle humanities biggest problems and they are adequately rewarded for it. The least experienced men practice on smaller problems, dreaming about the day when they might be able to bring home a big kill for their tribe.

So when you work, remember that humanity will never be able to get anything that really matters for doing nothing. Those who can afford to live big do solve big problems. They provide value to humanity. They solve problems allowing humanity to live at a higher level, just like the ancient hunters used to do for their tribe. “You eat what you kill.”

“You eat what you kill.”

The Lost World – The Most Masculine Literary Work

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s, The Lost World, is, in my opinion, simply the most masculine piece of literature created since the printing press was invented. The Lost World provides many examples of masculine men, all of whom are living in a primarily masculine culture. These characters are created by a masculine author, who is also, in a primarily masculine culture. Also, it was written about 100 years ago. All these facts make The Lost World a highly relate able, and very thought provoking work of literature. In my opinion, the story of this book is not the adventure to the lost world, but the inner change of the main character, Edward Malone. I encourage you to read the book prior to the article about it that I will be putting up.

The Amount of Carbs You Really Need

It’s all anybody is talking about: Carbohydrates! Where do carbohydrates belong in our diet, if they belong at all? Atkins, Carbohydrate-loading and The Paleolithic Diet are just a couple examples of diet strategies that involve the manipulation of carbohydrates. All this confusion around carbohydrates, or carbs for short, stems from our need to not injure people’s delicate egos. Often times, in an effort to sell their material authors will avoid alienating any specific group of people. Therefor, they write to all people when they should be writing to a specific group. As it is with almost every debate this one is not black and white. There is much more to this debate than “everybody should eat low carbs.”

First, let us examine the role carbs play in our diet. Iowa State University tells us that, “The roles of carbohydrate in the body includes providing energy for working muscles, providing fuel for the central nervous system, enabling fat metabolism, and preventing protein from being used as energy.” One way in which this definition is lacking is an exact measurement of how carbohydrates provide us with energy. Carbohydrates provide us with fast to medium term energy. When consumed, carb energy is quickly turned into fat if not used for energy within the next couple of hours. So when a desk jockey goes out to lunch, consumes a high carb meal, then returns to his desk, he will most likely be adding to his waistline. If there is one lesson you should learn from this article it is that carbohydrates are fast and medium term energy not long term.

So, what is the role of carbs in your diet? The answer to that depends on many different factors. The four key factors in knowing how many carbs you should eat, in order of importance, are: your activity levels, the type of carbohydrate, your current body goals and, finally, your body fat percentage.

Your activity level, and type of activity, is the most important factor in carbohydrate consumption. Here is why. Carbs provide our bodies with fast energy and are our bodies preferred source of energy. However, while preferred, they are also easily transferred into fat. This energy is used in our explosive movements that people use in the weight room or in an athletic competition. If you do not have an active lifestyle you do not need as many carbs. For example, on the days professional bodybuilders do not go to the gym they decrease the amount of carbs that they consume. They do this because they know that their body will require less explosive energy to survive. So, to find out how many carbs you need first ask yourself, “How active is my lifestyle?” If you live an active lifestyle than you will need to consume more carbs than the average person.

The second most important factor in deciding how many carbs you need is revealed in the distinction between slow carbs, also called complex, and fast carbs, also called simple. Slow carbs come from foods like oatmeal, sweet potatoes and other unprocessed foods. These carbs provide you with the medium term energy because their complex molecular structure takes longer to digest. Fast carbs come from foods like cupcakes, cookies, fast food and other heavily processed items. These carbs provide you with the short term energy because they are easy for your body to digest. They have a simple molecular structure that the human body can break down easily. Thus providing you with the “sugar high.” From this point on I will refer to slow carbs as quality carbs and fast carbs as crappy carbs. It is imperative that at least 90 percent of your carb consumption comes from quality carbs. If you eat too many crappy carbs then it will be difficult to change the way your body looks. It will be difficult because you do not use the energy quickly enough to stop it from being turned into fat. As a general rule of thumb just avoid processed carbs altogether. In fact if you make a commitment to yourself to avoid eating processed carbs your carb consumption often takes care of itself. When you have a craving for a crappy carb, like cake, you can fill it with a quality carb instead and your body will thank you for it.

The third most important factor is your current body fat percentage. The higher your current body fat percentage the lower your ability to efficiently process carbs will be. So a low carb diet will help people lose weight but those who do these diets have to be careful to adjust their carb intake as they become thinner, or more muscular. Their body will improve at burning these carbs as that happens. That is the cause of many people losing the progress they gained. Many people tried and failed the Atkins diet because they lost weight but didn’t raise the amount of carbs to fit the new body they now had. Then when their body was starving for more carbs they would over eat, generally on crappy carbs, and gain the weight back. Generally those with higher body fat should consume fewer carbs and more proteins and fats.

Finally, another important thing you need to about carbohydrates is their relation to your goals. Say you have gotten to the point were you can start experimenting with your macronutrients intake. Those who are looking to gain weight will increase their carb consumption. Those looking to lose weight will decrease carb consumption. There are many more body goals than that. I encourage you to investigate personally how carbs impact your goals.

In conclusion, not me, not the USDA or anybody else can tell you how many carbs you need. You would need to come into our office so we can measure these factors to give an accurate prescription. So go take your measurements, be honest with yourself, and find out how many carbs you personally need.

Quote Meditation 1

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.” For humans to grow we need to improve. To improve we have to risk. We have to put ourselves on the line. We have to put ourselves in situations that can hurt our ego. We have to place ourselves in situations where we are vulnerable.

To hit personal record in the weight room one has to put themselves under more physical stress than they have been under before. They risk dropping the weight, or injury, which never satisfies.

To engage with attractive women a man has to put himself in situations where he will be judged. He risks having his masculinity rejected. While that rejection hurts what he learns from it can be used to improve himself.

To reach for a promotion one has to work aggressively in situations everyone in the office is too scared to work at. That person risks not succeeding. By doing that work and succeeding they have a better chance of promotion. However, if they do not succeed they can look back on their experience and learn from that, which will help them succeed at the job next time. As you can see, they are closer to the promotion even if they do not succeed.

To start a business one has to put their name, their money and their dreams on the line. They risk rejection of their business and themselves. If their business does not succeed at least they learned from that experience and can use that information for the rest of their lives.

For a musical artist to become listened to they have to release their music to be heard and judged. They risk the rejection of what they have put so much time and emotion into.

The most basic form of risk, is risk among friends. To be truly accepted one must be their real selves. They can not pretend to like things they do not just so they can have friends. That is a recipe for unhappiness, they would not be doing anything that makes them happy. By being their real self they might face the harsh rejection of the social world but they might also succeed in being truly accepted.

One thing that is true about all these instances is that it is always better to not succeed than not try at all. If the man is rejected by the beautiful woman he uses the experience with the next beautiful woman. If the person does not succeed at starting their business they take the experience with them to the next opportunity. If the musical artist does not succeed he can take some criticism and use that to write music more true to himself.

If a person dedicates themselves to learning from the situations where they were not successful they come out so much further ahead than those who do not risk at all. Next time they can change their strategy and do even better. In every situation the people who risk, and learn, come out ahead of those who did not. We have to ingrain this ability to risk into our being as quickly as possible. “Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”

“Risk is the key to all self-improvement.”